December Water Colors!

December Water Colors!

Summer in the tropics!. There is a subtle shift in the feel of the air. Drier breezes and increasing sunshine bathe the rain drenched land. The Green/Winter/Wet season gently ends in early December – and it was right on time. 

I spent the last days of November with my good artist friend, Marie as we relaxed while finding time to also paint.  She came over to do more experimenting with watercolor. And she jumped in masterfully!  That got me started!

I began work on my new Reflections series…beginning with a study of the window reflections in Frank’s house.   I was still working on it when Billy "like my son" called.

He had several guests now visiting him at La Princesa hotel and asked if I wanted to join them for a day at the beach. I thought about it. My Achilles tendon surgery and other medical events had kept me off my feet and mostly confined to my home for the past six months. And nine months had passed since my last glimpse of the Pacific. It was time. 

I said yes. There is nothing quite like the Pacific southern zone of Costa Rica.  

We headed for Playa Ventanas.  This jewel of a southern Pacific beach is a well kept secret and named for its two ‘window’ like caves through the peninsula on its northern edge. It is always exhilarating to watch the frothy surf surge through the caves.  

  

 

Playa Ventanas was actually the first beach I visited over ten years ago, when I found and bought my house. I visited it again with my sons and daughters in law when they helped me move here Christmas Eve, 2008. Most importantly, it was the beach where Frank and I had our first date – and where I first found myself falling in love with him. Ah the special kept memories from Playa Ventanas. 

While everyone was enjoying the water and sun I took out my sketchbook and looked around for something to paint. The coconut palm tree right above was perfect. Using just four paints in my sketch palette, I relaxed into the simple pleasure of playing with my brush. It felt soooo good.

Ventanas Palm Sketch, jan hart

A few days later, I found myself heading for the beach once again – to celebrate my 76^th birthday at another  favorite spot called Villa Leonor, just south of Uvita. This time my friend Brenda came with me to enjoy the Sunday barbeque and the peerless seared tuna. While Brenda swam and played in the 78 degree surf, I selected a stand of Bijahua blue leaved plants set against the jungle background.  I smiled remembering so many times I had painted this subject over the past years. Even from this very spot. Still, no two are the same.  I really saw the yellows on this, my birth day.

Beach Birthday Sketch, jan hart

The two December watercolor sketches sit beside the almost finished Reflection painting in my studio. There, whenever I walk in or out the front door, I can glance over to them and kind of catch them by surprise. Often it is during  one of these brief visual encounters that the normally silent right brain or Artist’s brain points out the one stroke that is needed for finish.

Frank's Window Reflections, jan hart

Seurat - My Life Hero

Seurat loved the tortillas Frank made for him.

Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. And some even have feathers, fins or fur and four legs.  Seurat is my four-legged hero.

At fifteen, he is showing the signs of a life well lived with cataracts, some difficulty hearing and a desire to sleep a lot. Still – he has not lost his zest for life.  Which is why he is my life hero.

I met Seurat when he was about 2 years old and living in the Española New Mexico Animal Shelter. I was looking for a companion for my aging sweet German Shepherd, Livvie.  I describe the meeting in my Chapter 4 of my book,  “A Woman Awakens:Life, AfterLife” 
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Seurat's first free days in Española

“Seurat’s fur was dotted black on white, thus named after the artist Georges Seurat, a nineteenth century pointillist. I’d hoped to find a Welsh Corgi, but discovered something almost as rare in northern New Mexico, that being a dog that wasn’t a mix of area favorites: Pit Bull, Mastiff, Rottweiler or Chow Chow. When I asked about the dog sitting off in the corner of the fenced kennel that contained smallish dogs, the attendant explained, “He’s not very sociable; been on the street a few years. Gets along with other dogs, but doesn’t like people. He is scheduled to be ‘put down’ tomorrow.”

I looked at all the noses and wagging tails on the other side of the chain-linked gate and then returned my gaze to the dog in the corner. Such a sad sight. Suddenly he lifted his head and focused on me, then uttered a long eerie howl. I replied to the attendant, ‘I want to see that one more closely.’

Seurat with Livvie, 2006

Once Livvie had approved the choice—after meeting and visiting him—Seurat was neutered and Livvie and I brought him home a few days later. It took two months to fully convince him that I was Alpha and he could not go out a door in front of me. Or growl at me.”

During the first two months of my relationship with Seurat I discovered that he was very bright and even seemed to understand my thoughts as well as my words. He was also stubborn – but merely a match for my own stubborn streak.

He came within a day of being taken back to the shelter because I didn’t think I could trust him not to bite me. His growls were sufficiently intimidating to make me wary. In desperation I ttold him that though I really cared for him I would have to take him back to the shelter because I was afraid he would bite. He seemed to listen intently. And from that day, that talk, he did not growl at me again. He got it.

2009. Sitting and looking out over the Costa Rican hills

When I moved to Costa Rica on Christmas Eve, 2008 Seurat and Livvie came with me to my new place. Seurat seemed to love all the new smells and scents – but often sat at the edge of the yard looking out over the valley. It seemed that he was thinking as well as watching. 

Livvie passed away in 2010 and Seurat became my sole canine companion. He took his job of watching over me quite seriously. His protectiveness was severely challenged when Frank and I got together. Though Seurat liked Frank, he didn’t like us spending private time together. Frank, another dog lover was able to change their

dynamic by sitting next to Seurat on the couch and talking softly and directly. “Seurat, the trouble we are having is because we both love the same woman…”  Seurat listened and there was never again a problem.  And he listened again when we asked him to accept into our family a starving shepherd mix female rescued from the streets of San Isidro . He accepted her completely on the day we took him to meet her.  He had objected strongly to another dog and a puppy in the months before. Seurat was definitely opinionated about both people and other dogs.

Though I admired Seurat’s obvious intelligence and ability to understand, it was the example he set for me during illness that put him up on the hero-worthy pedestal.

Seurat, constantly attentive

When my Achilles tendon ruptured in mid-May, 2018, I had emergency surgery to repair it. I was to be in a fiberglass cast from my knee to my toes for four weeks. It was a difficult time and I was cared for by friends and my neighbor/like a daughter Anita since I could not walk. Seurat became even more attentive to me. He was never more than a few feet away from me whether I was resting with my casted foot elevated or moving to another room on a knee scooter. He followed me to the bathroom and watched me while I slept from his bed in the corner of my room.  After the cast came off, I developed a wound infection that kept me off my feet for an additional four weeks – and Seurat kept his vigil. I felt constantly comforted by his watchful presence.

Suddenly one morning Seurat collapsed and was having difficulty getting up off the floor and to walk. His head was cocked severly to one side. I was terrified at the possibility that I was losing my dearest friend to some kind of neurological demise. He was after all 15 years old - or 105 in dog years. Fortunately, a friend arrived who could take Seurat to the Vet,

who gave him 3 weeks worth of medicine (prednisone) and the diagnosis of either a middle ear inflammation or my worst fear, neurological decline. I took over his 4 feedings per day, which at first meant feeding him by hand since he couldn’t move his mouth well.  Slowly he improved. While sick, he still continued his job of watching over me from room to room. A month later – just about when I was allowed to again put weight on my healing foot, he was acting pretty normal except for a slightly cocked head and some persistent weakness. 

The thing that impressed me most, however, was his heart. He just never gave up.  While he was still stumbling and walking wobbly, he would follow Frida out the back door and try to run up the road. Of course he only got a few feet the first time or two – but he didn’t stop trying. 

Such an inspiring attitude about life. I took to my own heart his example of persistence and courage. It was Seurat, this little dog with the big presence who helped me to endure the 89 days until I was able to take my first tentative steps, aided by a cane. I celebrated silently, with my eye on Seurat.

Seurat showed me how to keep going. 

He is my hero.

Scarlet Red

I first used the color scarlet in a painting in New Mexico. I’d always been reluctant to use any red as a landscape color because I thought I’d never actually seen it in nature. My artist’s life was based in the Pacific Northwest—ever green—where comforting and languid blue-greens and analogous hues overwhelmed the seasons. As close as I ever came to red was burnt sienna—a neutral, earthy almost-orange. Sure, I occasionally dropped in a bit of Opera (hot pink)—but only for exuberant rhododendrons in spring, or bright candy in a gum-ball machine.

Then I moved to New Mexico.

Ghost Ranch Red Rocks, Jan Hart, 2005

Suddenly, simmering reds glowed like embers in rock crevices. Washed upon the shaded side of the bloodshot rocks blazed countless scarlet exclamations, only visible to the eyes of those who were tempted to be hypnotized—like when one is drawn to the flames in a fire.

No more denial. Red was alive and thriving in northern New Mexico. Here was a land carved through a volcanic rift between the Colorado Plateau and the High Plains as a zone of red rock beds composed mostly of sedimentary sandstones and shales stained in every shade of red. 

Ghost Ranch Splendor, JH 2004

The real magic was in the interaction with sunlight; each sun ray could strike a hard red rock surface and bounce, carrying with it both color and light energy. Each bounce further charged it so that it was possible to see the glowing scarlet red embers in each shaded overhang or crevice. With over 325 sunshine filled days, there were plenty of opportunities to witness the magical phenomenon of reflected light and color. Red tinted light rebounded all over northern New Mexico. One time, walking up into Echo Amphitheater, the partially shaded sloped sandstone walls appeared to glow. Astounded, I wondered if the very air I was breathing was also red tinted – and what other mystic qualities I breathed beyond the hue.

As I became more obsessed with the phenomenon of reflected light and color, I even placed a bumper sticker on my car that read:  I Brake for Reflected Light. I always smiled when someone passed me on the highway and looked me over – my sticker might as well have stated I was stark raving mad. 

In my New Mexico days, and after them, I ordered Perinone Scarlet, Scarlet Lake, and Vermillion Red. Ached until the precious tubes arrived. And then I used them. Gone was any fear of using red – pure red – straight out of the tube. The redder the better.

It was no surprise that the color showed up in a dream vision several years later. While hospitalized for a staph infection in my spine in 1997, an entity who called himself Raphael spoke to me while surrounded entirely by brilliant scarlet (and a bit of emerald green).  After six weeks of hospitalization and time at home to rest, I made my way out to my studio to see if I could paint.

The Raphael paintings

Raphael 2, jh 1997

For the Raphael paintings I painted wet into wet (wet paint onto wet paper), a technique I rarely used this freely. But it seemed just right during this time when my brush felt like it was almost being directed in a way both unfamiliar and deeply familiar. The paintings came directly from my consciousness; swirls and shades of deep scarlet. I watched as the paints moved against each other and merged together.

I definitely was in a place of less control with these paintings. I was in another world.

Way past New Mexico, Scarlet Red remained tucked into my heart. It had become my favorite color – for painting as well as wearing.  I could almost feel my connection to something greater whenever my brush dipped into Peritonea Scarlet.  It showed me the way forward and eventually to Costa Rica.

In 2008, I was on the last day of a tour to see about the possibility of moving to Costa Rica.  

From A Woman Awakens: Life, AfterLife, page 60

Even though we were driving, I caught a glimpse of a glass-encased statue of San Rafael stationed over the door of the white church. Portrayed in flowing garments in the colors of faded scarlet and pale green-blue, he held a line with a fish on it in one hand. His hair was wavy and blonde. My heart skipped another beat.

I did not ask the tour guide realtors to stop, nor did I share any of my thoughts or incredulity with them, but I felt the subtle pin pricks of excitement along my arms.

The road wound up the mountainside through a couple of switchbacks. Just as the car lurched onto the steepest part of the bumpy road I looked ahead and saw a house painted bright scarlet red and softer emerald green.

Very calmly I asked if the house ahead was the one they were going to show me.

When they answered, 'yes', I stopped breathing. In my mind I was asking myself if this was really happening. How could this be? The colors. The exact colors.

Soon after my move to Costa Rica I noticed the color again at an ExPat gathering. It was the shirt- color worn by a gentle Canadian man named Frank. Two years later we married – and of course both of us wore shades of red. 

Published in 2017. For more information

Frank was my soul mate and the great love of my life. Still one of my favorite memories is seeing him dramatically mimic these words from the actor, Chiwetel Ejiofor, who played the title role in a favorite movie of his, and then mine. Kinky Boots, 2005:

“Burgundy. Please, God, tell me I have not inspired something burgundy. Red. Red. *Red*! Is the color of sex! Burgundy is the color of hot water bottles! Red is the color of sex and fear and danger and signs that say, Do. Not. Enter. All my favorite things in life.” 

Continuing 'Notes in the Night'

Farolito Pathway, Jan Hart 2007

At last I am back to writing pages for my book, Notes in the Night. I had pretty much stopped for about a year–this past year–that seemed to consume my thoughts and energy on a daily basis.  Even here in Costa Rica where I am surrounded by as much peace as one could hope for. My heart hurt with daily news of the cruel intentions and actions of humans - against each other as well as our fellow animals and plants on this planet.

What has changed? I'm now certain that all is an opportunity to grow at a soul level. That is what Frank has been talking about since he passed.  Finally I am beginning the writing of Chapter Six, Diving into the Deep  (January - March 2015) that will finish the communication during the first year after Frank died, March 10 2014.  Back then I heard from Frank as often as twice a week as he helped me through several personally difficult life events and also let me know how it was for him on the other side.

A few excerpts from each Chapter....

• Chapter 1  First Conversations

Jan, it is an amazing thing to be here in this other place. Surrounded, all the time, with pure love and pure being. I see that we are truly all a part of each other, of all that there is. I see that I am unlimited and a part it all. My place is here and I watch you and see that your life is going as it should be going. I know that you understand that you must be patient and honor the time that is set for you to follow. 

• Chapter 2  Survival Lessons

I know that there are times when you are troubled still and you need to know again and remember that everything is as it needs to be and will work out well for you. Just know it. Just know that the steps you took today are good steps and will provide such balance and positive results. Please pay attention to your thoughts because they are there to help guide you. Follow up when you can.

• Chapter 3  Magic and Synchronicities

Here it is calm and so loving. All of the pettiness is gone. No one tries to hide their strengths or their weaknesses because they just aren’t a part of life here. We see each other completely. Still we know that all the work is being done on earth – and it is for this reason that we try to help by guiding and pushing and informing and walking among you.   I know you feel lost at times, Jan and I know it is very hard. Please know how many many people are with you and more souls here than you can imagine. 

• Chapter 4  Darkest Before Dawn

Life is unsure, Jan. how can we be sure of anything at any time when everything around us changes constantly?. It is so true that nothing stays the same, and we must try to hold on in the midst of constant change – not holding on to the what it was a minute ago, but what it is in this minute. You are afraid. Fear of not having enough is creeping back into your heart and mind. You do have enough always.  

• Chapter 5  The Light Returns

Life is such a strange thing, really. Everyone thinks that it is the most important thing – to be alive. And it is really the least.  The most important is that our spirits are vibrant and connected and enduring. It is our souls that are the most important – and we give them such little regard in life. I should not say that life is unimportant, really. It is very important for what it gives us – the ability to reach out to learn, to respond, to change ideas, to ponder – to grow. All of this is why we live and of utmost importance.

I am eager to continue. And I just posted a recent Note in the Night from Frank that you can view through the website, Notes in the Night    http://notesinthenight.com/

On Waiting and Waiting....

This morning

Probably nothing jolts me out of my peaceful life more jarringly than when I am forced to wait. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I am waiting for something pleasant or something unpleasant. Either way – the very fact that I am waiting shifts my focus away from the present – and into the future or the past. Granted, if I’m looking forward with anticipation like a visit from one of my sons or a lunch with a friend, I have an easier time of it. Looking forward begins to add in opportunities for pleasant expectations about the upcoming event.  

And therein is the problem. Stealthily, it is little Expectations that begin to weasel their ways in. It is nearly impossible ever to fulfill an expectation, especially if it is flavored with accents of hope and wishes.  What a perfect set up for disappointment.

And what if the wait is focused upon something not pleasant? In a similar fashion, the recollection of unpleasant experiences from the past come into play.  A flash memory of my survival of a near drowning plays a melodic background note whenever I enter water.  It may only last a few seconds – but it remains tucked in a distant memory of fear, helplessness. And right now the first drop of rain on the roof triggers a flashback to a month ago when my front yard disappeared down onto my neighbors’ access driveway in a thunderous mud slide. Days and nights of continued rain had turned the clay soil to a liquefied feral force that pushed through retaining walls of rock and reinforced concrete. It happened all over Costa Rica – landslides, mudslides, bridges and homes and even entire villages washed away by mud and too much water racing to the sea.  That was Tropical Storm Nate – and though it didn’t even make the news in the rest of the world, it was the most destructive event in memory here.

October 5, 2017

At my place we did what we could. With the help of my Tico friend ‘like a son’ Billy, we got my neighbors’ access road cleared of rock, mud and concrete within 12 hours – which was near miraculous as the entire country struggled through shock and denial and directly into action.

So now I am set up for the Wait. I am waiting for the Dry Season to come so that the building of my replacement retaining wall can happen. It must be dry before the project can begin.  Added onto the waiting time is all sorts of extenuating circumstances, each with its own basis in experience that adds the element of fear to the waiting time.

·      The wall is the only way to fix the gradual erosion of the 20 ft. slope in front of my house – that threatens the house, Frank’s house, the palm tree that is now leaning.  It is urgent, but cannot be done until the dry season.

·      Global climate change is bringing into play more extreme forms of weather patterns and records.

·      This rainy season has been the heaviest in memory and has now been predicted to be longer than usual – extended by one or two weeks.

My rational mind has explored each of the points and come up with very rational responses, of course. We have come up with our plan and it is a good one. After researching through engineers, contractors and others, the gavione wall with good drainage in place will secure the slope in the best way possible. Additionally, with Billy managing the project, we will hire neighbors who will help insure the success through community involvement.  

But what to do about the things that are not in our control like the heavier than normal rainfall, the tropical storms, longer rainy periods, sudden earth changes?  For those things we need another solution – one that can only be controlled within oneself. Perhaps all we can do is shift our perception. We still have to wait. So I must find a better way to wait.

“As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action.”

― Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

My friend Suzanna finds her way through meditation. She has even done a twelve day silent retreat in order to go more deeply into a meditative state where she finds her peace.

I am finding my own ways to focus on a present moment.

At any moment, any time I can choose to focus on the particular task or activity that I am currently doing. And then I slow down my perception of each little part. This morning I was opening an avocado for breakfast. I felt the pressure of the knife as it passed through the skin and around the seed.  Then I noted the angle of the knife as I laid it on the edge of the cutting board. Next I paid special attention to how I took each half of the avocado in each hand and turned them in opposing directions in order to break the fruit into halves – each half a perfect piece of itself. I focused on color and appreciated the shade of green that changed so subtly towards a golden hue as my eye moved from the skin to the center. When I saw one small sliver of avocado at the edge, I touched it with my tongue and noted the cool, smooth texture in my mouth. And I continued my intense awareness of my actions as I finished removing the pit, preparing the avocado slices and placing them on the edge of my plate.  Then I moved on to the papaya. 

Suddenly I noticed that I had no awareness of what time had passed – probably only a few minutes – but that I was in another place entirely. The inclusion of color, texture and taste had magically transported me to the Now.

I was refocused. Refreshed. And content to allow the next moment to evolve as it would.

That night I heard from Frank….

12:34 Tuesday, November 7 2017

 

I am here with you Jan – as a breeze, as a calm note in the night, as a momentary pause of wakefulness during the night. Life on earth is so very tenuous and brief and can only be marked by the moments that you spend in the present. There is no other way to go through this time except as a series of present moments. Right now this is a struggle for you because you want to feel life is good. You want assurances that all is well. And truly all is well only right in the moment. In the larger realm there is much change. Roiling changes are occurring.  Your job now is to use the time that you have moment by moment and immerse into each moment as best you can. I am here to help with that, but only if you can meet me to receive my help. Yes, you are right – the animals are your teachers. They show how it is done. Yes they get excited about something that is coming – something they look forward to – anticipation – going for a walk, getting a bone to chew, going outside – but the teaching is that the anticipation is for the next moment.  A moment that is still nearly touching this one in the present. That is what they are showing. The lesson then becomes un-attachment. Disengaging oneself to the outcome. Peace on earth implies a calm. A persistent calm – and that isn’t possible during a great turning – which is what is happening now. I can help you with the choices, moment to moment and it is best if you will leave to us the progression of the turning. You can take charge of the moment. These are the great challenges of living right now. For us here – beyond- there is no time. We are continually in the moment, continually at peace because we no longer are attached to distant, or a next, or a future. We can project through analogies like paths, and steps and walking and moving, but we are always in repose and of course we know that this place is so very different than what you are experiencing in the dimension of time and change. So we can help by expanding the sense of the present moment so that it is overflowing with beauty and love and completion. This is the great turning. Turning within to experience the fullness. And I am helping you with this, dear Jan.  feel the peace in that. Now, rest – and rest into the moment. Feel the softness of the pillow and the comfort of your bed and the stillness of the night.

Living in layers of moisture, moment by moment

I think this is a lot to take in.  This immersion into the moment –but it is what I am working on.  I like that Frank says he can help with that. And he does.  Sometimes, when I am remembering to be really attentive to the just what is right with me in the moment, I can feel the slight cool breeze that I know is Frank. This morning, while seeing the amazing morning I was just taking in the colors, the light, the sense of the breeze in the fronds of the palm – and I heard, before I saw, the buzzing wings of a hummingbird that swept close to me as part of the moment. That moment.