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| This morning |
Probably nothing jolts me out of my peaceful life
more jarringly than when I am forced to wait. It doesn’t seem to matter whether
I am waiting for something pleasant or something unpleasant. Either way – the
very fact that I am waiting shifts my focus away from the present – and into
the future or the past. Granted, if I’m looking forward with anticipation like
a visit from one of my sons or a lunch with a friend, I have an easier time of it.
Looking forward begins to add in opportunities for pleasant expectations about
the upcoming event.
And therein is the problem. Stealthily, it is little
Expectations that begin to weasel their ways in. It is nearly impossible ever to fulfill
an expectation, especially if it is flavored with accents of hope and
wishes. What a perfect set up for
disappointment.
And what if the wait is focused upon something not
pleasant? In a similar fashion, the recollection of unpleasant experiences from
the past come into play. A flash memory
of my survival of a near drowning plays a melodic background note whenever I
enter water. It may only last a few
seconds – but it remains tucked in a distant memory of fear, helplessness. And
right now the first drop of rain on the roof triggers a flashback to a month
ago when my front yard disappeared down onto my neighbors’ access driveway in a
thunderous mud slide. Days and nights of continued rain had turned the clay
soil to a liquefied feral force that pushed through retaining walls of rock and
reinforced concrete. It happened all over Costa Rica – landslides, mudslides,
bridges and homes and even entire villages washed away by mud and too much
water racing to the sea. That was
Tropical Storm Nate – and though it didn’t even make the news in the rest of
the world, it was the most destructive event in memory here.
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| October 5, 2017 |
At my place we did what we could. With the help of my
Tico friend ‘like a son’ Billy, we got my neighbors’ access road cleared of rock, mud
and concrete within 12 hours – which was near miraculous as the entire country
struggled through shock and denial and directly into action.
So now I am set up for the Wait. I am waiting for
the Dry Season to come so that the building of my replacement retaining wall
can happen. It must be dry before the project can begin. Added onto the waiting time is all sorts of
extenuating circumstances, each with its own basis in experience that adds the
element of fear to the waiting time.
·
The wall is the only way to fix the gradual
erosion of the 20 ft. slope in front of my house – that threatens the house,
Frank’s house, the palm tree that is now leaning. It is urgent, but cannot be done until the
dry season.
·
Global climate change is bringing into play
more extreme forms of weather patterns and records.
·
This rainy season has been the heaviest in
memory and has now been predicted to be longer than usual – extended by one or
two weeks.
My rational mind has explored each of the points and
come up with very rational responses, of course. We have come up with our plan
and it is a good one. After researching through engineers, contractors and
others, the gavione wall with good drainage in place will secure the slope in
the best way possible. Additionally, with Billy managing the project, we will
hire neighbors who will help insure the success through community involvement.
But what to do about the things that are not in our
control like the heavier than normal rainfall, the tropical storms, longer
rainy periods, sudden earth changes? For
those things we need another solution – one that can only be controlled within
oneself. Perhaps all we can do is shift our perception. We still have to wait.
So I must find a better way to wait.
“As soon as you honor the
present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow
with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you
do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most
simple action.”
My friend Suzanna finds her way through meditation.
She has even done a twelve day silent retreat in order to go more deeply into a
meditative state where she finds her peace.
I am finding my own ways to focus on a present
moment.
At any moment, any time I can choose to focus on the
particular task or activity that I am currently doing. And then I slow down my
perception of each little part. This morning I was opening an avocado for
breakfast. I felt the pressure of the knife as it passed through the skin and
around the seed. Then I noted the angle
of the knife as I laid it on the edge of the cutting board. Next I paid special
attention to how I took each half of the avocado in each hand and turned them
in opposing directions in order to break the fruit into halves – each half a
perfect piece of itself. I focused on color and appreciated the shade of green
that changed so subtly towards a golden hue as my eye moved from the skin to
the center. When I saw one small sliver of avocado at the edge, I touched it
with my tongue and noted the cool, smooth texture in my mouth. And I continued
my intense awareness of my actions as I finished removing the pit, preparing
the avocado slices and placing them on the edge of my plate. Then I moved on to the papaya.
Suddenly I noticed that I had no awareness of what
time had passed – probably only a few minutes – but that I was in another place
entirely. The inclusion of color, texture and taste had magically transported
me to the Now.
I was refocused. Refreshed. And content to allow the
next moment to evolve as it would.
That night I heard from Frank….
12:34 Tuesday, November 7 2017
I am here
with you Jan – as a breeze, as a calm note in the night, as a momentary pause of
wakefulness during the night. Life on earth is so very tenuous and brief and
can only be marked by the moments that you spend in the present. There is no
other way to go through this time except as a series of present moments. Right
now this is a struggle for you because you want to feel life is good. You want
assurances that all is well. And truly all is well only right in the moment. In
the larger realm there is much change. Roiling changes are occurring. Your
job now is to use the time that you have moment by moment and immerse into each
moment as best you can. I am here to help with that, but only if you can meet
me to receive my help. Yes, you are right – the animals are your teachers. They
show how it is done. Yes they get excited about something that is coming –
something they look forward to – anticipation – going for a walk, getting a
bone to chew, going outside – but the teaching is that the anticipation is for
the next moment. A moment that is still nearly touching this one in the
present. That is what they are showing. The lesson then becomes un-attachment.
Disengaging oneself to the outcome. Peace on earth implies a calm. A persistent
calm – and that isn’t possible during a great turning – which is what is
happening now. I can help you with the choices, moment to moment and it is best
if you will leave to us the progression of the turning. You can take charge of
the moment. These are the great challenges of living right now. For us here –
beyond- there is no time. We are continually in the moment, continually at
peace because we no longer are attached to distant, or a next, or a future. We
can project through analogies like paths, and steps and walking and moving, but
we are always in repose and of course we know that this place is so very
different than what you are experiencing in the dimension of time and change.
So we can help by expanding the sense of the present moment so that it is
overflowing with beauty and love and completion. This is the great turning.
Turning within to experience the fullness. And I am helping you with this, dear
Jan. feel the peace in that. Now, rest – and rest into the moment. Feel
the softness of the pillow and the comfort of your bed and the stillness of the
night.
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| Living in layers of moisture, moment by moment |
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I
think this is a lot to take in. This immersion into the moment –but it
is what I am working on. I like that
Frank says he can help with that. And he does. Sometimes, when I am
remembering to be really attentive to the just what is right with me in the
moment, I can feel the slight cool breeze that I know is Frank. This morning,
while seeing the amazing morning I was just taking in the colors, the light,
the sense of the breeze in the fronds of the palm – and I heard, before
I saw, the buzzing wings of a hummingbird that swept close to me as part of the
moment. That moment.
